


Other

by MapleMermaid



Series: Persistence [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, M/M, Magical Realism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleMermaid/pseuds/MapleMermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Often when Sid dreams, he dreams of ice.</p><p>He wakes from these dreams feeling oddly detached from the world. He doesn’t remember what he dreams, but everything seems a bit less real, as though he’s not quite awake — as though he’s left bits of himself behind.</p><p>Those are the days he thinks of after Geno brings him back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Other

**Author's Note:**

> For Squids, who betas long, betas hard, and betas well. Fixing my commas and tone like a boss.

**Intro**

Often when Sid dreams, he dreams of ice.

He breathes deep and the air is crisp and sharp. It slips jagged down his throat and blooms in his chest and he feels _whole_. A sound like a knife over glass reverberates in his ears and fractures. The cracks spiderweb into fractals and they whistle, piercing yet hollow.

He thinks that this is where he’s supposed to be. This is where he was born to be.

He forgets, in his dreams, that he was born. He feels as though he’s always been and always will be. As long as he has ice, as long as he has _home_.

Sometimes when Sid dreams, the ice he knows is not real. It is merely _other_.

He knows he is _other_ too.

He wakes from these dreams feeling oddly detached from the world. He doesn’t remember what he dreams, but everything seems a bit less real, as though he’s not quite awake — as though he’s left bits of himself behind. On those days, the ice calls louder. On those days, he skates wilder, more vicious. On those days, his interviews are more blank-faced than ever. He forgets who he’s supposed to be and what he’s supposed to do other than _skate-ice-home_.

On those days, he walks maybe more bow-legged but no one ever notices, not even Sid himself.

Those are the days he thinks of later, once all is resolved. When he’s come back and realizes exactly why he can hear the ice calling, and why he’s never felt right anywhere else.

Those are the days he thinks of after Geno brings him back home.

———————

**Part I**

He doesn’t remember being a penguin, is the thing. He thinks he’s grateful for that. It would be hard enough coming to terms with the knowledge that he’s not actually human without having to know exactly _how_ he lost almost six months of his life. There’s enough documented footage of penguin Penguin Sid without him actively trying to remember anyway.

There’s video of him being tickled, and _giggling_ , on the internet. He’s certain it was all lovely when he was an actual penguin, but human-shaped Sid would just like to continue on as though nothing ever happened.

If he pretends it never happened, he doesn’t have to deal with the aftermath. The dark, broken, look in his mother’s eyes when she found him in her backyard. The way Taylor hints at things he still doesn’t understand. The media asking questions he doesn’t have the answer to and doesn’t want to think about. The way Sid wakes from dreams he can’t remember, making noises that he knows aren’t normal, and scrabbles at his face just to feel his fingers: long, separate, _human_.

The more he tries not to think about it, the more he can’t _stop_ thinking about it. He tries to think of other things but that just leads to—

Geno. _Geno_. How Geno saved him. How Geno brought him back. How Geno tiptoes around him the worst of anyone. As if mentioning what he did or how grateful Sid is, might ruin it. He won’t talk to Sid about it at all. Just smiles and pats his shoulder as though it were nothing.

It’s not nothing. It’s _everything_ , and Sid doesn’t know how to thank him. Especially since Geno doesn’t seem to want to be thanked.

He looks at Geno and something echoes, empty, in his heart. He’d be more curious, but everything seems different now that he _knows_. What’s one more strange feeling in a world already turned upside-down?

It takes some time for him to find what that hollow ache is. He doesn’t realize until weeks have turned to months and out of nowhere he finds himself watching, helplessly, as Geno laughs.

Geno laughs less often these days, and Sid isn’t stupid. There’s a direct correlation between Sid coming back and Geno’s new sober emotional state. Was it the months of research? Was it the day after day slog through musty library books? Was it the meetings in dingy bars full of spirits of every definition?

… Was it what he gave up?

His mother tells him to watch out for Geno. Spells have costs. Spells require sacrifice. No one knows what Geno did, or what Geno gave up, but Sid wonders every day. He knows Geno went above and beyond what a regular friend would do. Beyond what any sane person would do. It seems important in a way Sid can’t clarify or explain. He’s not sure why it matters so much except that it _does_ , and the ache in his chest expands with every breath, every day.

Until the day Geno laughs, and Sid freezes in place.

He finds himself just standing there, tracking the angles of Geno’s jaw, the curve of his smile. His laugh echoes through the arena and Sid can only watch and listen as his hollow ache blooms bright and hot and _oh_. It was emptiness. It was loneliness. It was—

Sid watches Geno laugh and laugh, and falls helplessly, desperately, in love with him.

———————

He keeps it to himself for some time. He and Geno have been friends for years, and such a huge development is something Sid needs to consider. Does he feel this way because he’s grateful for Geno’s help? Does he feel this way because Geno is comfortable when the rest of the world seems cracked and broken around the edges?

Does he feel this way because of what Geno did?

Geno was the one to help bring him back, and who knows what magic can do? Maybe some part of Geno is tied into the magic that makes Sid human. Sid doesn’t believe for a minute that Geno would have done anything to compel Sid, but what if it happened on accident? Magical compulsion would not be the weirdest thing to happen to Sid this year.

It doesn’t _feel_ like a compulsion though. It feels like this is a revelation that’s always just been waiting at the edges of his mind and heart. It feels real and confusing and all-consuming, and Sid really didn’t need another thing in his life to spiral out of control.

So he waits it out. He waits a month, then another. He spends his time rallying his team as they fall again and again, and he thinks maybe this isn’t their year either. Maybe he spent too long as a penguin and lost his humanity. Maybe the spell went wrong and he’s just not good enough anymore.

He waits until things fall back together and he finds himself in the thick of the playoffs. Then he knows it’s important because at this moment the only thing he should think of is hockey and his team. Instead he thinks of hockey and his team and Geno and hockey and Geno and Geno Geno _Geno_. He’s not sure what to do about it, so he keeps waiting.

He’s just not sure what he’s waiting for.

———————

**Part II**

They win the Cup. _They win the Cup_ and Sid listens to the cheering, listens to his team’s screaming, and his heart feels overfull. It’s exactly and nothing like the first time. The first time was terrifying and exhilarating and unexpected. This is the same but tempered with years of trying and trying and _trying_.

This is the end of a long battle uphill, and it’s so satisfying that Sid wants to drop to center ice and just lay there. He wants to close his eyes and let his team’s joy warm him even as the cold leeches the warmth from his bones. He wants to feel every icy breath in this moment and never, ever, forget it. Instead, he takes the Cup and skates a lap around before handing it over to Trevor who gives it to Duper and it hurts, it _aches_ , but he’s so grateful to have this, right now, in this moment.

 _His team_.

It passes to Geno eventually and Sid swallows around a hard lump in his throat when Geno roars in delight. He can’t believe they’ve come this far again, that’s _he’s_ come this far. He doesn’t think he’s supposed to be here. He wouldn’t be if not for Geno. He never would have had this again.

Love burbles up heavy in his throat, and he feels like he could throw up, but he just swallows again. He follows his team off the ice, and as the celebrations start, he can’t help but stay close to Geno, close enough to touch. In the midst of it all he finds himself in Geno’s arms, face buried in his neck, and doesn’t know what he would do without this moment, without this life.

He clings on tight, and decides, no matter what, he won’t let go. He won’t let Geno go. Maybe it _is_ magic, but does it really matter in the end? Sid is _made_ of magic, so what does it matter if his feelings are created or natural? Sid has never been natural; he’s always been created. All he has is what he feels and what he wants.

He loves Geno. It doesn’t matter why.

———————

He crashes at Geno’s when they get back home to Pittsburgh. It’s not abnormal. He used to spend a lot of nights in Geno’s spare bedroom before he turned into — turned back into — a penguin. It’s only recently that Geno has been carving out space for himself and Sid has let him because he owes Geno so much.

He doesn’t want to give Geno space right now, though. Right now he wants to have something. He’s very hungover and pre-caffeinated and Geno’s padding around his kitchen in nothing but sweats and Sid is _very_ distracted by his bare chest.

He blames that as the reason he kisses Geno.

The thing is — the thing is Geno kisses back? He _knows_ Geno kisses back. Geno kisses him like he maybe understands what Sid is feeling, like he’s just as consumed. When he pulls back the first time, Sid just thinks he needs a moment to figure it out.

When he pulls back the second time, Sid freezes and feels his lungs do the same. The fear in Geno’s eyes turns his heart to stone and the weight of it makes him choke. He can’t stand to see the rejection in Geno’s face. He watches Geno take a breath as if to say something, and he can’t bear to hear it.

He flees.

———————

He realizes how stupid an idea running was once he leaves Geno’s house. He had thrown his shoes on, but he didn’t grab his phone, or his wallet. He’s dressed in a pair of Geno’s pjs that are both a bit too baggy and too tight in very inappropriate places. He doesn’t have a coat either, and it might be getting warmer, but it’s definitely not warm enough to walk home. Especially with his keys _also_ still at Geno’s.

Unfortunately, he has this thought when he’s halfway home and already shivering. He breathes carefully through his nose and tries not to cry as he turns around and walks back to Geno’s. He doesn’t know what he’ll say when he gets there. Maybe Geno will have gone back to bed and he won’t have to say anything. Maybe Geno will pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe Geno will say it’s okay. Maybe Geno will—

Maybe Geno and his car will be gone who knows where when he gets there. Sid stares at the empty driveway for a long moment and finds himself blinking furiously as his eyes burn.

Okay, no. He’s not going to do this. He’s going to go inside, grab his things, and go home. He’ll figure out what to say later. Thankfully Geno didn’t remember to lock the door before he left or Sid would have had to call Mario for his spare keys, and that’s not a conversation he wants to have right now.

He gets as far as the guest room where his things are before he loses all motivation and falls on the bed. He doesn’t make any motion to get dressed, or to leave. He just rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, tracing images in the stucco until it’s too blurry to see anything anymore. He probably shouldn’t wait, crying, on the guest bed of the friend he just kissed, but he can’t bring himself to do anything else.

Eventually, he gets his things together, but finds himself sitting at the kitchen table instead of leaving. He doesn’t know when Geno will come back, but Sid doesn’t want to wait any longer than he has to to apologize. He can’t imagine he’ll make things any worse, and he just wants to get this over with.

He’s not sure what time it is when Geno finally comes home. Late, anyway. Or early? Both, really. Sid’s eyes are itching with exhaustion and puffy from crying, and his nails hurt from where he's bitten them, waiting for Geno to come home.

Geno barely says his name before Sid snaps. “I’m sorry,” he croaks out, and before Geno can try and placate him, he starts to babble. He can’t stop himself. He just wants to _fix_ it. He’ll blame the alcohol. He’ll say he can be professional. He’ll say _anything_ , even if it’s a lie, just to keep Geno here with him.

He wishes he never figured out how he felt. He wishes he couldn’t feel at all. He wishes he could carve out the spot in his heart where his love is and make it hollow again, and he wishes Geno had never brought him back. He wishes a lot of things right now that he can’t have and he wants everything to just _stop_.

Geno steps towards him, and Sid doesn’t know what is going to happen, but he decides that it doesn’t matter. Let the cards fall as they will if it means this can all just be done. He’d rather turn back into a penguin than have to spend one more minute _existing_ —

There are hands on his cheeks, soft and huge and cradling and oh. Oh no.

This time Sid is the one to pull away from the kiss. He has to. All he can think is what Geno has already sacrificed to bring Sid back, and what he might do for Sid’s happiness. Geno went to the ends of the earth to save Sid, and Sid can’t bear for him to make any more sacrifices for Sid’s sake.

He pulls away and the first thing he says is, “You don’t have to.”

Geno doesn’t say a word, just steps in again and kisses him once more, fierce and full of promise, and Sid can only respond. He said his piece, he gave Geno an out, and Geno is still here. That has to mean something right? It _has_ to.

And oh _this_. This is what Sid wanted. This is what Sid thought he could have, the first time he kissed Geno. His heart pounds and his hands are shaking and he clings all the harder to Geno as he’s kissed and kissed. He shivers when Geno scrapes his fingers through his hair and he tries to tell himself this could mean anything but he can’t believe it. Geno went to the ends of the earth to get Sid back, gave up god knows what, and is standing here holding Sid in his arms as if Sid is something precious. Something worth having. Sid can’t take it any other way than what has to be the truth.

This means _everything_.

He’s starting to consider what might happen next when Geno yawns. Sid can’t help it — he giggles. He’d feel bad, but Geno laughs with him and by the time they’ve calmed down Sid feels like he’s floating. Geno smiles at him in a way that has him feeling brave.

“Just needed some time to think about it?” he asks. He thinks he can understand that. Sid took months to come to terms with his feelings for Geno. He can’t be mad at Geno taking a day. He can’t be mad at anything right now. In this moment, Sid thinks he’s never felt more alive, more _real_.

“Is long story,” Geno replies and his expression is full of exhaustion.

“That’s okay.” Sid can give him this. Sid can give him all the time in the world if he’s going to stay. So long as Geno is here with him, Sid could care less about the circumstances. He feels bubbly, effervescent, and what do explanations matter, here at the heart of things?

He lets himself be brought upstairs and is rewarded when Geno tugs him into the master suite. The pocket in his heart that loves Geno bubbles over and fills him up until he could choke on it. He tries to say something about it, but he just yawns as well and decides it can also wait. He lays down with Geno and clings to him hard as they go to sleep.

Geno holds him back.

———————

He thinks it should be more of a surprise than it is. Geno looks so upset when he tells Sid what he did to get him back, and maybe Sid should be angry but he can’t muster up the emotion. What does it matter if Geno sacrificed Sid’s feelings? They’re here now aren’t they? They wouldn’t be here at all if Geno hadn’t done what he did.

Besides, Sid thinks of the first weeks after he came back, and remembers the strange, empty feeling. He remembers how wrong it felt, how wrong everything felt until he realized what he was missing. Really he’s just grateful he has an explanation for everything. It makes sense that he fell in love with Geno. He was always meant to after all.

He can’t bring himself to be anything but terribly, incandescently, happy. He smiles at Geno and his heart thumps as Geno looks back at him, eyes dark and full of promise. He slides into Geno’s arms, pulls him in for a kiss, and shivers. Every inch of him resonates with the same thought: Geno Geno _Geno,_ and it feels like the very earth echoes in reply as Geno holds him tighter.

He thinks: this is what he wants. This is all he needs.

This is where he’s supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> [I have a tumblr! Feel free to ask me things :D](http://mermaple.tumblr.com/)


End file.
